How to Duck Your Head in Shame

Hello piglets it has been too long since I have posted! I promise I will never be gone this long again. Anyways, I have been struggling to find something worthwhile to post given that my life has been so mundane lately, but have found inspiration in the trials and tribulations of my friends. So here we go..


This is a Polished Piglet's guide to avoiding awkward run in's with people you never want to see again. I'm pretty sure everyone has a person in their life that they always run into that they once dated, hooked up with, worked with, spilled punch on their chinos bla bla bla, and it's always super awkward. Well I have developed a few sure-fire rules, that if followed, will help you piglets avoid these uncomfortable moments that make you want to gouge your eyes out with pencils. #2 Ticonderoga's to be exact. Watch and learn pigs!


1) NEVER, I mean NEVER, go anywhere by yourself or without your cell phone. This is because if you see or are seen by that certain someone, you need to look like you have way more important people to talk to than them. So walking to class, see their little rat face, whip out your phone and start texting. Sitting at lunch, they walk in with their bro's, instantly turn to your friend and look like you are solving world issues, even if you are just whispering "oh my god please dont look over here" under your breath a few hundred times. 


2) Always walk with your head down. Let them stare at the top of your head all they want, no need to look into their Medusa eyes. 


3) Never walk through a door without doing the double-check. As you walk through the door check left, check right, then bolt to wherever you need to go. Just like pulling out into a busy street. This will save you from possibly colliding your body into theirs. 


4) Dont take elevators, always the stairs, just to avoid the slight chance that you could possibly be stuck in a little metal box with that guy you made out with for an hour last night, even tho you went to the party with his roommate....... yikes.


5) Avoid the gym, cafeteria, laundry room, health center, fro-yo place, and any party of the frat/team they belong to for at least a week after the deed, because you WILL see them.


6) Take alternate routes. It might help to stalk them for a little bit and then make sure to never go that way again for the rest of your life. 


Or.. you could go about your life normally and face this person with a smile and an attitude that says you really don't give a shit.....Ha! Ya right, who are you kidding? You live in too much shame for that. 


Peace. Love. Yellow Cake with Buttercream Frosting.