Please Taylor Lautner, Take Your Shirt Back Off

So my roommate and trusty sidekick, Jordan, is a Taylor Lautner fan. This means countless hours spent watching a monkey with abs and the voice of a prepubescent girl, try to read words off a page. Tonight I wanted to see 50/50, a film with real actors and some artistic value, but of course it was sold out. So we had to see Abduction, T-Lauts newest disaster. I tried to comfort myself with two boxes of Whoppers, a medium popcorn with extra butter, and the hope that the sound would go out and he would take his shirt off, but for some reason some fool decided to convince Taylor Lautner that he was good for anything besides being straight up eye candy. Let me break this down for you: T-Laut cries probably 45% of the whole movie, laughs like a little girl, randomly jumps off of stuff like a spider monkey, and when he finally gets down to the dirty with that one girl from The Blindside, he decides he's hungry and needs a sandwich. But hey, at least he's not wearing cut-off jean shorts. Why such hate for Taylor you wonder? Well I assure you it has nothing to do with Team Edward or Jacob, even though everyone knows vampires are better anyways.... It has to do with the lack of substance coming from Hollywood these days. I'm over pieces of ass like T-Laut and the whole cast of Transformers becoming famous off of simply being hot. It reinforces the notion that hot people don't have to do anything and it drives average to semi-attractive girls to cook and clean and go to school and try and be funny, and thats a lot of friggin effort! ..... deep breaths. Anyways. I am just saying I would like to see a little more talent and a little less T&A in the movies these days. Also I went to a Capital Grille today and got their signature burger. O.M.G amaze. The key is that their beef patty is a trifecta of ground beef, bacon, and caramelized onion. They put bacon.. in the beef! *Happiness*

Cut it out Shark Boy